matter over mind

So very engaged, yet so alone, you lay beside me but I can’t feel the warmth of your body, you’re cold. Do you know? that my flesh lies beside you but my heart is dancing elsewhere? I can feel your heart beat less daily yet it seems I don’t care. Do I? would I delight in your perishing? so that my soul can be set free? Would I throw a fistful of dirt upon you to be more discrete. It’s insane to live wondering of another. It isn’t fair to you, it isn’t fair to me. If you set me free I’ll only be enslaved to another, because my soul consuming desire is frightful; I’ll enjoy a wondrous ride to end up empty and dreaming of you, but shall I commence to discover that end? although we both know I’d be half dead at it’s conclusion… frightening truth… but release me from you

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godly revenge

If I died for you I’d vaguely regret, paying you a visit and demanding your respect, your apathy and consisting to neglect, the power of love, and a sinful mans effect.

I’d chain you up, threaten you tease you with a knife.. and force out your forgiveness, while you’re praying for dear life.

I’ll explain my loving care for you, and why your death’s my concern, you hated the life you lived for me and me too I discerned.

As I sit to hear your final plea, your life shall soon be mine, you should’ve embraced my love my dear, when you had the time. 

Lemonade

what do you remember?

too sour?

too sweet?

too pulpy?

In the heat?

used to quench the thirst of those that’ll have anything.

a nostalgic elementary school bliss.

scorching summer days have arrived?

the adrenaline of your first kiss

will you have a cup of lemonade,

and remember your faithful past,

that everyday wasn’t daisies and sunshine,

the memories that won’t last.

take heed my friend when you feel you’re up,

and relaxing in the shade.

for you too one day,

may look back and re-drink some icy lemonade…

midday thought

A beautiful day has the tendency to erase all hate, irate thoughts that hinder me. Sinner me! becomes as light as spring flower, higher the sweet, lower the sour. Worries collapse as straw-made towers, and I suddenly forget the past that my pride has devoured. The caress of the breeze says that hope comes again. The dancing of the trees reveals that to everyday should come growth. The birds encourage me to always have a song… but they all say that unity exists and that I never have to be alone again. Even if it’s MY fault.

circle of deception

Nervous yet relaxed all at once, I wander about pursuing what could possibly be mine, yet deep within I’m sure, but unsure, the world that intrigues makes me second guess the finest of what YOU give. “Is there more? And if there is, is it for me?” We dive in after what shouldn’t be… we’re unhappy with being happy, so we “unintentionally” destroy what could be perfection, running behind seduction, pride, and vain erections. Neglecting what lies before us. It soothes the soul to believe that these feelings are mutual, yet love is awaiting our full presence, to care and understand what it is that exists, not just in the mind. However with time we’ll see that all frolics were a mistake and when we return, we’ll come to find, that what was is no longer, yours or mine. You’ll hope for forgiveness, pray for mercy, amazing grace. Yet to your face you’ll see all you gave up and it’ll be very clear, I mean SO clear that you wonder why you ever detoured… was it this clear at first or did karma deceive? Or were we more concerned with others that we didn’t believe? In the love that could have sustained us for a lifetime, preserved us for a future, held us for eternity, made us new daily. Did we long for another’s caress when we had it all? It was made for us, the table was spread with the finest of cuisines, yet we longed for the crumbs from a temporary spread. Whatever drove us to lie to ourselves, provoked us to be BY ourselves, until we find another that’s full of deadly venom and we hold on, because that’s all we have.

..where is life

when all around is still, and the scars linger, desperate to be healed, never understanding the essence of reality, laughing me, I stare at the world that surrounds, and wonder if the contentment could ever be mine, the myths of bliss crowd my hopeful mind, yet the darkest night creeps and I ask, “is there life for me,” is what I crave, purposely hidden from my view, gracefully poking fun at me and you.. does it look me in the eye at midnight chuckling in the dark, the quietest voice that holds the answer to my every question, does it hinder me from my incredible destiny.. is the “it” me?

envious

A draft of freezing cold air, Hovers my closed window, Chilling my heart as icicles hanging, From a dim, lifeless, mansion, A depressing shadow stands at my shut door, Eating me alive, the feelings I posses when this way of being, Kills me, I die secondly, for comfort is far from me, My state of mind, was unsatisfied, Resentment laid upon my bed, the other half of her was no longer mine, He promised he would dispose of her, And become one with me, What was it she had? My gyrations were smoother, My vibrations were longer, Stronger, What did she have on ME? My body was as the perfect sculpture, And hers was mal-formed, As the inconsistent waves of the sea, So I lay down alone, cold in my bed, Yet she shines in hers, Becoming the ruler of her house hold, The queen of her castle, still, She obtains what I craved, As I was his slave, I imagine the both of them together,…Though he ran off with my heart, But she has his, And I still remain..